C'mon Snow...

School Psychologist: Is it supposed to snow tonight?
Me: Yeah, I think so.
SP: Spoon under your pillow and pajamas inside out!!!!!!
Me: What?
SP: That's how we got the last snow day.
Me: You've tried this before?
SP: Yup, pullin' out the big guns. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

TGIF- not Monday

1st Grader: Today is Monday right?
Me: No, it's Friday.
1st Grader: But yesterday there was no school.
Me: It was a snow day, a special day.
1st Grader: Well, I want to come to school tomorrow! Will you come with me, Ms. O?
Me: (Silence......)

Ms. O vs. Grand Theft Auto

5th Grader: Ms. O, I heard you're gonna do that thing they do in Grand Theft Auto.
Me: Excuse me?
5th Grader: Not stealin' cars! But ya' know, that race... Where you gotta do all kinda things...
Me: A triathlon? Yes, I am...
5th Grader: Just like at the end of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas you gotta do a lot of things. All I'm gonna say is: I hope you can swim.

Facebookin'

1st Grader: Have you ever heard of Facebook, Ms. O?
Me: Yes.
1st Grader: Really? How did YOU hear about Facebook?
Me: Ah, how did YOU hear about Facebook?

What's in an age...

2nd Grader: Were you born in 2007?
Me: No.
2nd Grader: What about 2003, like me?
Me: No, I was born a long time before you.
2nd Grader: Hmmm... a long time ago. Like, 2000 and 1?
Me: No, Like 1983.
2nd Grader: WHAT?!? That's like 100 years ago! You only look 16.

Something Fishy

Kindergartner: I ate a fish Ms. O... It was alive.
Me: Is it swimming in your tummy now?
Kindergartner: No. It's swimming to my brain.
Me: Why is it going to your brain?
Kindergartner: So it can teach me bad words. Bad words are good.

... Then I try to convince him that bad words are bad, and good words are good. He was not interested.

Trippin'

Me: The nail polish has to be put away.
7th Grade Boy: You MUST be trippin'!
Me: I'm not tripping and the nail polish has to go.
7th Grade Boy: It's Friday and my nails need to be on point!
Me: That's not my concern. Put it away.
7th Grade Boy: So far the only thing I like about you is yo' clothes!

...Uhh, okay.

TIRS (Things I Regularly Say)

Things I regularly say during my work day:
1- "Stop trying to wipe your nose on my sweater."
2- "Try saying that again, this time minus the attitude."
3- "Let me teach you about something called Personal Space."
4- "Yes, I'm sure I am not Hispanic. Nope... not even a little bit."

Uggs? Ugh...

Custodian: When you break school property you have to help pay for it.
8th Grade Boy: Like how much?
Custodian: Like $100.
Peanut Gallery of 8th Grade Boys: Damn Son! No Uggs for you!

... Is that what 8th Grade Boys in East Harlem really want, Uggs? Ugh

Trouble With Farts

Me: Why did you get in trouble today?
1st Grade Boy: I threw a fart.
Me (puzzled): You "threw" it?
1st Grade Boy: Yeah, with my mouth. But Andrew did it first.


...How could I not laugh??